Category: Texas Page 2 of 12

“Plastic People” At SXSW Describes A Harrowing Future

On March 12, 2024

In Education, Health/Medicine, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Pop Culture, Reviews, Texas

Ziya Tong, one of the directors of Canada’s documentary “Plastic People.”

The Canadian documentary “Plastic People,” directed by Ben Addelman and Ziya Tong, had its World Premiere at SXSW on Saturday, March 9^th, 2024. It is an absolutely terrifying piece of detective work, investigating how our fixation on plastic came to be and what plastic is doing to us. The synopsis said: “Plastic People is a landmark feature documentary that chronicles humanity’s fraught relationship with plastic and one woman’s mission to expose shocking new revelations about the impact of microplastics on human health.”

Directors of the Canadian documentary are Ben Addelman and Ziya Tong. Producers: Vanessa Dylyn, Stephen Paniccia. Ben Addelman also wrote the screenplay.The film explores the origins of plastic (petroleum products) and suggests that, “Now we’re realizing that we made some big mistakes…We’re finding them wherever we look in the human body.”

Noting that 83% of tap water has plastic in it, the experts tell us, “We are slowly turning into plastic people.” Among other cheerily prophetic statements are these: “We are poisoning ourselves with our own hands. We are producing poisonous food.” And Christy Tyler, a PhD scientist says, “Every single person is exposed.”

BIG MONEY

Plastic People documentary at SXSW 2024.

“Plastic People” at SXSW 2024.

The income of makers of plastic is mind-boggling. With the efforts to curb the production of vehicles that use gas, the makers of plastic are looking at other ways to push up production and sales. One avenue was to support the single use of plastic, rather than recycling. Furthermore, says the film, the myth that some plastic can be recycled is pretty much that, since less than 10% of plastic, worldwide, gets recycled. (Forget the handy-dandy little recycle symbol.)

The film documents the following money made by big petroleum:

BASF – $65 billion

Exxon obil – $231 billion annual revenue

Dow Chemical – $48 billion

SABIC – $35 billion

Chevron Phillips – $3 billion

Plastic bottles used daily? 1.5 billion. Two million plastic bags are used every minute, amounting to 400 tons a year.

The film asks whether we want “to destroy the world to enrich a few?”

THE VERY BAD

“Plastic People” at SXSW.

The entire message of the film is depressing. It doesn’t get any better when we see Dr. Celticki performing a brain operation and noting the presence of plastic that has crossed the blood-brain barrier. “If it can go to the brain, it can go everywhere,” he says. His message, “We are living in a synthetic world made mostly of plastic.”

Transferring all of this to an unborn generation means risking losing that entire generation. The effects of all of these chemicals on our bodies may not become clear for decades. What kinds of chemicals are we talking about?

Dibutylphthalate, Bisphonol A, Diethylnexyl phthalate, Decabro modiphenyl ether, hexabromo cyctodecane, perfluoralkyl and polyfluoralkyl nonyl phenol. All of them bad, of course.

All of these chemicals in our modern-day world have led to major increases in breast cancer, prostate cancer, and thyroid cancer. It is well-known that chronic inflammation is a precursor to serious illnesses. Fracking is another example of a very bad idea, health-wise.

In Portland, Texas a local resident talks about how the nearby Gulf Coast Growth Ventures Exxon Mobil plant spews pollution (1.6 tons of ethylene) and burns so brightly that you can come outside and read a newspaper at night.

PREVIOUS FILMS ABOUT POLLUTION

“Plastic People” at SXSW.

Like the movie “Erin Brockovich,” Diane Wilson of San Antonio, who was defending the fishing industry, described taking on 10 chemical plants that were dumping 5 million gallons of toxic waste daily. (“Corporations do not have a conscience.”) She sued Formosa and won a $50 million-dollar settlement. Her fight reminded me of that waged against Teflon coating in frying pans by Mark Ruffalo’s character in the 2019 film “Dark Waters” or the 1998 John Travolta film “A Civil Action.”

RESOLUTIONS

“Plastic People” documentary at SXSW 2024.

At film’s end, a Rwanda effort to curb single-use plastics is lauded, but its spokesperson says, “We need big countries to ban the use of single use plastic items.” The watchword is RESTRAIN and REDUCE (but nobody’s doing it).

CONCLUSION

This is not a “happy” film, but it is a necessary one. The scripted line, “Only when the problem becomes too big do we ask the questions” struck home. That sentiment also applies to climate change. The weird weather anomalies that we are all experiencing now have come about because we have ignored a major problem for much too long.

One small bright spot was how the Philippines has done some clean-up of their extremely polluted shores. It followed right after the news that the big countries export their waste to the small countries, like the Philippines, something referred to as pollution colonialism. The prophetic word spoken to Dustin Hoffman in “The Graduate” (Plastics) has come back to haunt us Big Time. What we are now seeing is described as “the embodiment of capitalism.”

After watching “Plastic People” I felt like I needed a drink, but straws are out now.

TV Pilots Screen at SXSW 2024

By Connie Wilson

On March 11, 2024

In Humor and Weird Wilson-isms, Pop Culture, Reviews, Television, Texas

Six TV Pilots screened at SXSW 2024 on Sunday, March 10th. Here are descriptions of four of them.

“Tossers” TV pilot at SXSW.“Tossers” TV pilot featured a young girl applying for a job at two different pizza delivery services. Pizza Dome features a manager weird enough to drive Sophia from the joint and over to the competitor, Tossers Pizza. The overly attentive manager at Pizza Dome wants to give Sophia “the GT” or Grand Tour. He talks about Domeo & Juliet and hassles a working employee to make sure that there are exactly 13 pepperoni per pie. There is talk of “slinging some za.” A yellow Gremlin car has a prominent role when Principal Thomson of Salt Lake Middle School calls in to order 125 pizzas by 1 p.m. due to the hot lunch supplies having gone bad. The task seems insurmountable, but, thanks to the emergency run to Foodies to buy more Mozzarella cheese. The showrunners/screenwriters/directors were Chase Block and Bryce Van Leuven and it was dedicated the loving memory of Papa T. It had its moments. My favorite line came when Sophia (who is told she needs to work for free for two weeks as “a trial,” which is a scam to avoid paying the help) assists in delivering a pizza, riding shotgun on the back of a motorcycle. The elderly customer takes one look at her and says to her companion, “She looks slutty.” Sophia, in a perfect deadpan voice, responds, “I’m wearing a helmet.” A relatable concept well executed.

“Marvin Is Sorry” TV pilot at SXSW 2024.

“Marvin Is Sorry” was the story of 25-year-old YouTube influencer Marvin Weaver who accidentally kills one of his fans during the filming of a YouTube video. The stunt was part of Marvin Weaver’s Ice Cap Refreezing Project. The participants are trying to see who can hold their breath the longest underwater. [Having just watched “7 Beats Per Minute” about freedivers who make deep dives without oxygen by holding their breath for more minutes than kills Marvin’s non-winner, the choice of 6 minutes seemed too little.] Marvin, well-played with elan by Sam Song Li, is sorry, as the film’s title suggests—at least at first. Marvin has 35 million subscribers to his YouTube channel but now that is gone. He is told “No one with morals and a pulse wants you on his show.” Tag Taggart, a far right talk show host with 10 million watchers, however, does want Marvin to guest on the Tag Taggart Show. Pushed to near extinction by the backlash from the stunt gone wrong, Marvin finally gives in and makes an appearance on Tag Taggart’s show. Taggart, says the synopsis, is bent on “cultural domination.” The Tag Line is “life begins before conception.” Cinematographer was Ben Berkowitz. Director Clint Pang should have told his cinematographer that there are microphone booms visible in the upper left screen a lot of the time. The lead (Sam Song Li) saved the project with his personality.

“Neo-Dome” TV pilot screens at SXSW 2024.

“Neo-Dome” is a futuristic violent pilot about a woman traveling alone to the utopian dome on the horizon. It is a post-apocalyptic America, suffering economic collapse. Monica Dawes (Anna Camp) stops a car driven by Larry, whose shirt says Homestead Mechanic, his moronic sidekick, and what appears to be an old man asleep in the back seat (but is really a corpse). Monica tells the sketchy duo that she can give them a full tank of gas if they will give her a ride to her car, further down the road. The men are suspicious that Monica is not telling the truth and bargains back-and-forth with them, until things go South and bullets are exchanged. This Texas premiere was written by Matt Pfeffer and directed by Bonnie Discepolo. Producers were Anna Camp, Michael Johnson, and Matt Pfeffer. Cast was Anna Camp, Michael Mosley, Nicholas Logan, Anthony Discepolo. With only Monica still alive, one assumes that a series (of which this was the pilot) would involve other adventures that Monica would have on the road to the Neo-Dome, where the motto is “Trust no one on the road to the Neo-Dome.”

"Lucy & Sara" TV Pilot screens at SXSW 2024.

“Lucy & Sara” has Texas Premiere at SXSW on March 10, 2024.

“Lucy & Sara” – Showrunner/Director Screenwriter was Susan Park. Cast included Susan Park, Nicolette Morrison, Jeremy Joyce and Mark Holgate for this Texas premiere. The synopsis says it is “a darkly comedic exploration of two unlikely sisters learning to lean on each other after the death of their beloved father in spite of their seemingly toxic relationship.” It was really about one sister urging the other sister to commit suicide, as she seems to be under the impression that her sister is simply “crying wolf.” I once saw George Carlin do a stand-up bit about suicide. People were streaming for the exits. For me, suicide isn’t funny. Especially in today’s climate of girlfriends urging boyfriends (or vice versa) to “just do it” (and some have) the topic seems sketchy. I can’t recommend this one.

“Bettendorf Talks” Screens at March 10th TV Pilots Program at SXSW 2024

By Connie Wilson

On March 11, 2024

In Humor and Weird Wilson-isms, Local, Movies, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Pop Culture, Reviews, Television, Texas

“Bettendorf Talks” cast.

The improv team of David Pasquiesi and T.J. Jadowski and Director Jack Newell attended the World Premiere of their television pilot, “Bettendorf Talks” at the Alamo Theater on Lamar at 3 p.m. on March 10, Sunday, Oscar day. I was rooting for them to hit a home run with a comic take on Bettendorf, Iowa.

Comedy isn’t easy. We can’t all be David Sedaris or Neil Simon. It’s hard to find “something new under the sun,” and go forth to mint comedy gold. However, the two leads have established themselves as funny improvisational partners on the Chicago scene. Their track record is good. I’ve seen Pasquiesi’s work at the Windy City Film Festival where he was brilliant portraying a brain-injured pianist.

So, I really wanted to root for “Bettendorf Talks.”

As someone who had two businesses in Bettendorf for close to 20 years I was eager to see this comedy that would focus on a place I know well. The synopsis in the SXSW program says: “A sharp and smart show-within-a-show, Bettendorf Talks is both a witty workplace comedy and the newest (and most unlikely) local talk show to come out of the titular Midwestern Quad City. Hosted by the has-been comedy duo T.J. Jagodowski and David Pasquesi (who star as hilarious caricatures of themselves), the two attempt to mount a hit show in search of a sliver of their former glory.”

“Each episode follows our ensemble for one day of the writing, producing and airing of our program as T.J. & Dave grapple with how to live in these new, lesser roles, the team around them deal with T.J. & Dave, and Margaret fights to keep the show going because it’s always one day away from being canceled.”

The leads (Dennis Pasquiesi and T.J. Jadowski) are very funny when doing improv. The supporting cast, including the band called The Assassination Band (Brian King, Dave Cottini, Pete Cimbalo, Adam Krier and Phil Karmets) are good and featured onscreen. The supporting cast members, especially Nnamdi Ngwe, were fine.

T.J. Jagodowski of “Bettendorf Talks.”

BACKGROUND

There have been comedies set around radio stations (“WKRP in Cincinnati”) and television shows (“Mary Tyler Moore Show”). Perhaps the pinnacle of comedy shows focusing on television shows was “The Garry Shandling Show.” Others, like “Community” and “Parks and Recreation” (and, for that matter, “Cheers”) have built good shows around feelings of work site comraderie in various settings. The idea of following the ensemble for one day of writing, producing and airing of the program was a good one. It is easy to see the quirks that are being developed for future comic use, should the pilot make it to air (which I hope it does). Writer/Producer/Star Pasquiesi, in his remarks after the pilots aired, said he and his partner wanted to make an entertaining comedy show like many of those that used to exist.

The on-air team here is described as “an unmotivated deeply disorganized group of individuals.” That charge can be fairly made about the characters in some of the other classic comedy shows mentioned.

Tim Kazurinsky

Tim Kazurinksy.

Tim Kazurinksy–who was part of the comedy ensemble on “Saturday Night Live” from 1981 to 1984—has a small role as the annoying older owner of the station, who constantly hums or does similarly annoying things while the team is trying to conduct a live talk show. The character Margaret, who manages the station, is his niece. It’s a good thing Kazurinsky’s real name is used (he plays the station owner), because he might be difficult to recognize otherwise. I saw him in Chicago doing something post-SNL years ago; haven’t seen him since. The Margaret character is attempting to be the lynch-pin holding the show together. It was easy to see the conflict that would develop, if the series goes further.

THE MATERIAL

Jack C. Newell, Director of “Bettendorf Talks.”

There was a bit about the Borden 24-hour towing company. It didn’t work for me, but the snide asides did, including the reference to a poorly-made commercial. The child calling in the tow of David’s car was not clearly defined (for me) as being anyone’s illegitimate son, but, hopefully, there’s time for that in future episodes. (I hope he doesn’t quickly grow out of the role as happened on “Three and A Half Men”).

There were jabs at businesses that have ceased to exist (Border’s, K-Mart). Those remarks seemed universal, as opposed to being a shortcoming specific to the small town of Bettendorf, Iowa. Probably a good relatable thing for other small towns in America losing their chain stores.

The bit about “which one of the Quad Cities is best” with Rock Island entering the competition was well-received by the crowd present at the premiere. I’m not sure it deserved throwing on long white wigs and judges’ robes to drive home the point that each of the several cities in the Quad Cities maintains that IT is “the best.” (“We shall not use superlatives in discussing the Quad Cities.”)

At some point, hopefully, the comedy duo will get around to actually naming the Quad Cities. It’s a two-state area, with the slogan “joined by a river” and there are about 350,000 souls residing there in the states of Illinois and Iowa, joined by I-74 (down from a one-time high of 500,000.).The map in the background didn’t help and was partially obscured. I wondered if shooting in one state was influenced by state “perks” financially, which is part of the game. I remember that there was a big scandal within the state of Iowa during a brief film Renaissance, when it emerged that someone had been playing fast and loose with the funds for making movies in the state. One very good movie (“Sugar”) came out of those halcyon days, set in Davenport’s John O’Donnell Stadium, but the scandal seemed to, at least temporarily, turn off the spigot for money for movies in Iowa. It’s too bad, because the Quad Cities is a very pretty area with many historic homes and locations that filmmakers could utilize. But does Iowa give filmmakers the breaks that Illinois does? (A good question for a Q&A, if there had been one aimed at this specific film and not at all six of them.)

“Bettendorf Talks” stars T.J. Jagodowski (left), David Pasquesi, and Director Jack C. Newell at the TV Pilot Screening on March 10th at the Alamo Lamar Theater at SXSW.

I’ve lived in the area since 1968. I still can’t figure out which exact cities are “the Quad Cities.” Why are there only four cities implied by the name when there are really more like nine? You’ve got Davenport, Bettendorf, Pleasant Valley and LeClaire in Iowa and Moline, East Moline, Rock Island, Silvis, and Hampton on the Illinois side of the Mississippi River which is 9 cities. (Go figure). In February of 1996 there was a popular song by a group called the Quad City D.J’s, (“C’mon N’ Ride the Train”). When the Quad City D.J.’s were asked about their name, it emerged that they were simply driving through the area and selected the name randomly. They were from Jacksonville, Florida. Seems about right.

In the pilot there’s talk of a dentist who brings on a dangerous rodent and sells whippets out of the back of a truck. There was an actual local doctor (an accordion enthusiast) who had Friends in High Places and his life’s adventures would make for some good comic Bettendorf fodder, but he did not sell wild animals. He was more into politics and hooking up with much-younger Miss Iowa pageant contestants. (Hmmmm…sounds familiar on the national scene.)

There’s a gag about a manure shop burning (“an actual shit show”), plus lines like “I’ve got my Grandma’s gams” to which the response is “How does she get around.” [*I haven’t heard a line like that since “I just flew in from Chicago and boy are my arms tired!”]

A couple representative lines:

“Don’t have a sponsor on as a guest…Let him buy a badly-produced commercial like everybody else.”

“Your buddy gets drunk and takes a dump in your gas tank…Happens every week.”

THE GOOD

David Pasquesi of “Bettendorf Talks.”

The leads (Dennis Pasquiesi and T.J. Jadowski) are very funny. The supporting cast, including The Assassination Band (Brian King, Dave Cottini, Pete Cimbalo, Adam Krier and Phil Karmets) are good and featured onscreen. The supporting cast members (Sadieh Rifai, Emma Pope, Cassie Kramer,Nnamdi Ngwe, Tim Kazurinksy) were fine.

So far, aside from a few exteriors (Logomarcino’s, which is actually in Moline, not Bettendorf; WQAD’s headquarters which is mis-identified as being in East Moline—it’s in Moline), it doesn’t look like the film is being shot in the actual Quad Cities. Most scenes were in the purported studio. It would be nice if it were actually shot in Bettendorf (and Iowa), because, as I’ve been saying to those on the Illinois side of the river for some time now, “Will the last one out of the Quad Cities please turn out the lights?”

I was quite excited to learn that a funny comedy TV show might be focusing on the Quad Cities, since Chicago has taken up all the bandwidth on television for years now with shows depicting what goes on there (“Chicago P.D.”, “Chicago Fire,” Is Chicago Shit Show next?). Manure (shit) jokes proliferated in both of the better pilots. Audience present this day approved of most, a good sign. However, never under-estimate the intelligence of the audience. [Except we are living through a particularly odd time, nationally, that makes one wonder about that old truism]

I guess we can’t always have a local city coming up a big winner (as Rock Island did in “The Blues Brothers.”) But there can still be some unique, original jokes associated with Bettendorf that this team can produce, if given more time.

CONCLUSION

David Pasquiesi and his partner T.J. Jagodowski are talented and funny. It’s a good start. The material is not quite up to their normal comedic standards right now, but I hope a distributor will give it time to develop on the air. Seems that is the way most of the Great Comedy Series started out before catching on with audiences.

Good luck to the team!

“Audrey” Has World Premiere at SXSW 2024

By Connie Wilson

On March 11, 2024

In Interviews, Local, Movies, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Pop Culture, Reviews, Texas

“Audrey” at SXSW 2024.

First-time Australian feature director Natalie Bailey has crafted a tale of a dysfunctional family from a Lou Sanz script. It had its World Premiere at SXSW on March 10^th, 2024. The synopsis for the film : “Self-appointed Mother of the Year, Ronnie has given her daughter Audrey everything, so when Audrey selfishly falls into a coma, Ronnie has no choice but to keep their dreams alive by assuming her identity.”

BACKGROUND

Some background for what initially sounded like a comedy: Ronnie Willis Lipsick is the married mother of two daughters, Audrey and Norah. Norah, the youngest, has cerebral palsy. Audrey, the eldest, is a rebellious teenager who has a poor relationship with her mother.

Ronnie, portrayed by New Zealand actress Jackie VanBeek, won awards appearing as a young actress in “Jillaroo.” That was 18 years ago. Now, Ronnie seems to be attempting to live her life over through her daughter, Audrey. It isn’t going well.

Audrey (Josephine Blazier) , rather than appreciating her mother’s helicopter parenting, is a surly, sullen teenager with a bad attitude. Audrey’s rebelliousness brings comments from Mom like, “I don’t want you diddling away your time with boys,” Or, “The future is not something you find in the back seat of a car.” Audrey is fairly representative of 50% of American teenage daughters. (Trust me on this; I raised one).

AUDREY VERSUS NORAH

Norah and Audrey in “Audrey” (SXSW, 2024).

Audrey says things to her mother like, “You’re a shit actress, and you know it. You just quit before anyone else realized it.” Audrey also posts a video on her social media account ridiculing Mom that goes viral. It reduces Ronnie to tears.

Since Norah (Hannah Diviney) is confined to a wheelchair with muscular dystrophy, she is left alone by Mom. That may be why she comes off as the more likeable of the two sisters. Although Norah has her moments, as evidenced by her behavior when she sits bedside next to her comatose older sister in the hospital. Norah doesn’t express any affection for Audrey, even when encouraged by Mom.

Dad Cormack (Jeremy Lindsay Taylor) initially seems to be almost a non-factor in the family dynamic. As the plot progresses, Audrey falls from the roof and ends up in a coma; (not sure I’d use the adjective “selfishly.”) Cormack’s part takes on surprising new dimensions beyond the role of grieving father. He seems to be sexually out-of-control, in a kind of creepy fashion.

THE GOOD

Lou Sanz’s script had some great lines. My own personal favorites were: “If there’s one thing your Mom can do, it’s make a killer lemonade,” and “I’m going to take care of you, like any good mother would.”

The cinematography by Simon Ozilin is equally good, especially in the climactic scenes when the camera cuts from Ronnie playing Medea onstage (“Oh, doomed children of an unloved mother…”) to what is going on back at the house between Audrey and her friend Max.

THE BAD

“Audrey” and Mom Ronnie in the Australian film “Audrey” at SXSW.

The adult Ronnie misrepresents herself as her teen-aged daughter at an audition. That presents obvious problems. For Ronnie, trying to portray ages 13 through 25 is a stretch. Initially, I thought this would be addressed with an all-out comic tone.

However, the plot, described as “an exploration of the human psyche” never really goes for funny. It goes for (more-or-less) serious with a few comic situations. Again, not sure I’d say someone “selfishly” fell off a roof, but that sort of adjective choice in the synopsis led me to think this was going to be a funny movie.

TONE

For me, the subject matter didn’t really go far enough in either direction. It’s either going to be a light-hearted examination of the mother/daughter relationship when the daughter is difficult (think “Lady Bird”) or it’s going to be a serious, touching drama that examines the statement, “We need to take the time to acknowledge that our lives aren’t always as we would wish.” (“American Beauty”). It tries to keep a foot in both worlds.

I was at a performance of George Carlin’s in Chicago when Carlin was performing a sketch about suicide. (In his defense, it was near the end of his career and his health was not good.) The attempt to make comedy out of such a serious subject did not work. It caused many in the audience to streak for the exits.

The resolution of “Audrey” has the same problem. Despite some great scripted lines from Lou Sanz, when I asked Director Natalie Bailey about the film’s tone, she responded, “Morally, you have to choose where you stand. “ An interesting position, which reminds of this line from the script: “The world’s a broken place these days.”

CONCLUSION

Audrey's parents at the hospital after she falls from the roof.

“Audrey” at SXSW 2024.

I could relate to the situation the film explores. I’m the mother of a teenaged daughter (and was once a rebellious teenager, myself). However, I couldn’t embrace Ronnie walking away Scott-free at film’s end. Just as the audience for Carlin found his comic premise unacceptable, while I enjoyed the acting and the expert execution by this first-time feature director (especially the finale), I was disappointed by the moral position the film chose to take.

Maybe the recent court case in my home town area where a mother was found to have stuffed the dead body of her elementary school-aged son in a trash can in the garage for months played into my moral position. To say it was shocking is putting it mildly. The resolution of that case (in Rock Island, IL) did not point to child abuse or murder, however, as the death itself seems to have been an accident that the mother was made aware of (child playing with gun) only after the fact. She wasn’t even home when it happened. Still, respect for life and protecting one’s child at all costs and—if the worst happens—providing a decent burial or decent treatment for the youngster seemed the least a parent (no matter how shocked or unprepared for the event) should do. Somehow, a different ending for this one seemed like a better (or more acceptable?) idea.

(Whatever happened to happy endings?)

TV Pilots Screen at SXSW on Oscar Day, March 10, 2024

By Connie Wilson

On March 11, 2024

In Humor and Weird Wilson-isms, Local, Movies, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Pop Culture, Reviews, Television, Texas

The TV pilot section at SXSW went off at 3 p.m. at the Alamo Drafthouse on South Lamar on Oscar Day (March 10th), with six TV pilot episodes shown, one after another. I did not realize that the program was comprised of all six of the entrants. I was originally focused on one entitled “Bettendorf Talks.”

Some of the many TV Pilot participants, post March 10th screening.

I may be the only critic here who owned and operated the Best Business in Bettendorf (Iowa) for close to 20 years, so, naturally, I was intrigued by the title alone. I looked up the creators of this TV pilot and contacted (via e-mail) one (of two) of the leads, a very good actor named David Pasquesi, whom I have seen perform in Chicago. He does improv with his partner, T.J. Jagodowski,—the leads in the TV pilot— but he also acts in other vehicles. He was impressive portraying a brain-damaged pianist in a short that screened at the Windy City Film Festival the same year I had a screenplay in competition.

My e-mail mentioned that I had seen him in that short and I received a friendly response, that suggested he hoped we might meet in Austin. He said he was “looping in” a publicist who was representing the pilot.

I had asked for a screener but was told (by the star) that it was “a World Premiere.” Most of the films here are World Premieres. Generally, a screener is sent with an embargo date and time, which I always abide by. I did ultimately receive the 18-minute film. Since I was not aware that ALL six of the films would be showing at once, I prepared remarks for just “Bettendorf Talks,” which I will conscientiously review tomorrow.

I was so enthused about helping publicize the existence of a pilot that might highlight the Quad Cities that I invited the two leads to dinner at my expense, at a very nice downtown restaurant, the Roaring Fork. That invitation was sent (e-mail) on February 22^nd. I have only invited one other individual to join me for a meal so I could do an in-depth interview ever in over half a century. That one person was Suzanne Weinert. Here is the link to that piece: https://www.themovieblog.com/2019/04/writer-producer-director-suzanne-weinert-flatiron-pictures-talks-movies-and-a-good-son/

That is not to say that I have never done interviews that were conducted in spaces provided. Last year, I interviewed the leads of “A Small Light,” a National Geographic special.

My intention for “Bettendorf Talks” was different.

I wanted to run a lengthy article on “Bettendorf Talks” and its stars and their background(s). I wanted to help launch “Bettendorf Talks” and I had some Bettendorf stories that the team might be able to use if their pilot were to be picked up.

I literally never heard another word back from anyone, so that plan died. I’m sure the team was busy and may not have even been in town. A note to that effect would have been nice, but I was busy covering “Stormy” on Opening Night, anyway, and it ran late.

The short observations below are in the order of which were the best of the pilots screened this afternoon:

“Halfrican American” TV Pilot.

“Halfrican American” – This one came from real life, said its Showrunner/Director/Screenwriter, Zeke Nicholson. The short synopsis in the program said, “Zeke attends a cookout with his boisterous black family and estranged father.” Zeke is from New York, but not THAT New York. As he tells his assembled relatives, he is from Reinbeck. New York, a small town upstate. When his dad asks him what they do in Reinbeck, Zeke mentions antiquing. His father’s hilarious response is “that shit sounds white.” Zeke has already admitted that the most exciting thing that ever happened in Reinbeck is that Chelsea Clinton got married there. Among other laugh-out-loud funny moments were his description of an old photo of himself from high school with chin hair and sideburns as “a chin-strap situation,” admitting that “It kind of looked like a helmet I couldn’t take off.” Zeke meets a sister named Destiny he didn’t know he had (“I don’t meet a new sister every day”) and asks her to help “explain the proper hand service” to him, as he doesn’t seem to have the Black hand signals down completely. There were also jokes about colonoscopies and 6-hour erections, but I’ll leave the shit jokes (quite numerous in the two best pilots) for later, with this one exception: Zeke’s father expresses some opinions about California, a state, he says, where people “howl at the moon.” Walt goes even further suggesting that it’s a place where anything goes, saying, “You could eat your neighbor’s shit and somebody will join you.”

See what I mean?

The cast was vibrant, funny, lively and the concept seems like one that would “play” well on television today—with some censorship of the racier parts. It was definitely an “A” effort.

There’s actually a tie for the two that were second-best, based on today’s viewing:

“Bettendorf Talks” and “Tossers” seemed equally funny, but I had prepared remarks for “Bettendorf Talks” only.

“Bettendorf Talks” cast.

This was because I didn’t realize that ALL the pilots would screen one right after another. Also, I thought I might have an opportunity to ask questions of the Bettendorf duo, such as, “Who is the person on your writing team that actually knows the Quad Cities?” There’s always someone. The two young men who created “A Quiet Place” (Scott Beck and Bryan Woods) are from Bettendorf and that film has now become a franchise with John Krasinski at the helm. So make fun of Bettendorf all you want. I don’t live there, and I didn’t grow up there. Go for it, but be funny and witty. I would also mention that the WQAD television station isn’t in East Moline; it’s in Moline. Logomarcino’s? Also in Moline—but this is fine, since we are all “joined by a river”—right? After all, when they shot “Cedar Rapids” (Ed Helms) they used Pittsburgh as a stand-in for C.R.

Let me mention the Top Two pilots (“Halfrican American,” above, and “Bettendorf Talks”) and resume with lengthier descriptions of the others tomorrow, since it’s Oscar night and it’s now after 3 a.m. While conducting our annual Oscar Night Party I received a terse text message from the publicist for “Bettendorf Talks.” It was a little after 6:30 p.m.

My boss (from New York City) and the only one that I am aware of who sets the time(s) for reviews to go live on his blog, is here in Austin. His e-mail is now sporting a message that he is “away from his desk.” We have not spoken or seen one another. I know that he was on the Red Carpet for “Roadhouse” on Friday, because I read it on TMB. He is basically unable to be reached by me or anyone else. I know he is busy, because I am busy (although I did set aside tonight for the annual Oscar predicting party, with ballots, a traveling trophy, friends and snacks.)

Keep in mind that we mere reviewer types have been laboring in the fields, attempting to get screeners in order to get a head start on all the activity. I filed at least 10 such reviews from screeners and clearly indicated all “embargo” dates and times. When I was accused of running a review of one such documentary less than an hour earlier than the time it was to go “live” (7:30 CDT), via a brusque message from the publicist’s cell phone,I responded that I did not set the timing of the run on that blog; it’s not my job. I did not, consciously or unconsciously, violate any embargo. It was also, at most, a one hour discrepancy. (If you’re trying to go early, wouldn’t you jump the gun by more than a few minutes?) I offered a potential explanation on behalf of whoever did set the blog to automatically post. It would have been done in NYC, which is Eastern Time versus Central Time and today was the day the clocks changed. But I sense that the goal was really something quite different from what we will laughingly call “public relations.”

“Bettendorf Talks” leads T.J. Jagodowski and David Pasquesi after the March 10th TV Pilot showing.

I offered up this evidence of my own innocence:

(1) It was NOT up on MY smaller blog, WeeklyWilson at the time of the brusque message, which proves my point. I DO set times for that one, but am only one contributor of many on TMB.

(2) The boss operates on Eastern Standard Time, normally, but today was the day that we “spring forward” with daylight savings time here in Central Daylight Time. Either one could account for going “live” very slightly early. The point is, it was a really nice review (and a big one) and I do not set the time that things run on TMB. I wish I did, but I do not have that power. It’s well above my pay grade. If it did run slightly earlier than intended, it was accidental and—if you check—there is publicity on the piece well back in the month from other sources (interviews, etc.). Was it really a good and/or nice thing to call me up and give me grief?

If it were my film, I’d want as much free P.R. as I could get. The best way to get it is to get reviewers the materials when they actually have time to prepare their words well and, yes, it can be embargoed and everyone should attempt to comply. I, at least, definitely did comply.

(3) I have not been able to speak with the very busy Boss Man since he hit town. I tried sending an e-mail, but got the “away from the desk” thing. Phone messages are going straight to voice mail.

The publicist suggested I should do what I could to take the very nice, very large review down immediately. If it were my film, I would most definitely not want that. (*Note: the review was not of “Bettendorf Talks.”)

I instantly agreed that I would do what I could, which is nothing.

David Pasquesi of “Bettendorf Talks.”

I have never been the one who sets the “run” time for The Movie Blog’s pieces. I only can be held responsible for my own little blog, which clearly had been in compliance. If it was one hour “off,” I’m guessing it is because it was set to run automatically quite some time ago.

Man! I guess I don’t understand what a Public Relations person is supposed to try to do, even though I worked in that capacity for many years as the CEO of two companies. Harassing me at home while I’m having an Oscar party and accusing me of something I did not do never seemed like it would be high on the list of “things I should do to promote.” Asking a large blog to remove an excellent review that goes out to a large audience also seems counter-productive if you’re working to promote the film. Of course it would be bad to intentionally violate embargo dates and times, but that did not happen.

I always thought P.R. people were supposed to concentrate on trying to create good will. No?i

(Post Script: I checked the Premiere time for the review in question. It started at 6 p.m. and went until 7:36 p.m. This means that the film was well underway when I received the phone message that I must remove it from being read. On Oscar night. While throwing an Oscar party. Anyone going to the movie was already in the film. It had been going on for over half an hour, at least. If I’m this film’s publicist, I am exulting at the good reviews, not telling big outlets to take them down. Maybe I’ve been doing P.R. wrong for half a century, but I would definitely be out celebrating (as, in fact, I was trying to do here in Austin) at the good reviews my efforts had produced and not hassling an underpaid reviewer for jumping the gun on a review by less than an hour,— especially when setting the time to run the review was not even the reviewer’s job.

“Lions of Mesopotamia” World Premieres at SXSW 2024

By Connie Wilson

On March 9, 2024

In Movies, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Politics, Pop Culture, Texas

Director of “Lions of Mesopotamia,” Lucian Read, one of the very best—if not THE best— documentaries at SXSW 2024.

One of the more riveting World Premieres of a documentary at SXSW was “Lions of Mesopotamia,” directed by Lucian Read. The film screened on Saturday, March 9^th, at 7:15 at SXSW. It outlines the victory of the Iraqi National Soccer Team at the Asia Cup in 2007, a win over Saudi, Arabia.

THE GOOD

More importantly, the win is referred to as “the Miracle of 2007.” It was definitely on a par with the U.S. hockey team Miracle on Ice victory over Russia in 1980. That was a tremendous and unexpected sports victory, but it didn’t take place against the backdrop of both an 8-long war (between Iran and Iraq) nor the March 20, 2003 invasion of Baghdad by George W. Bush. Civil insurrection then befell the war-torn country.

Iraqi National Team members, 2007.

Players from the original team speak about the overthrow of Saddam Hussein as we see the effect of the U.S. bombing (“Shock and awe”) of Baghdad. As the President of Jupiter Entertainment, which produced the film, Patrick Reardon said of the Iraqi team’s defeat of Saudi, Arabia in the Asia Cup Finals, “It’s quite possibly the most incredible heartfelt sports story that very few know.”

The players themselves describe how football (soccer) was “an escape in life for the Iraqi people.” As one commentator says, “Other than that, what else is there to make the Iraqi people happy?” One player describes how, after sanctions were imposed on the country by the U.S., he and his family had, literally, only one shirt to wear. It was worn by the player to his practices, by his sister to work, etc. It was the only shirt they owned. He says, simply, “Football was all I had…We were sanctioned, tormented and starving.”

There is some history of the vicious treatment of the national team members by Saddam Hussein’s son, Uday, who once made the team play soccer with a ball made of concrete, as punishment for not winning. The players describe receiving 10 lashes for a bad pass, 20 lashes for a yellow flag, being locked in “the red room” if their play was not up to the dictator’s standards.

Bombing of Baghdad, 2003.

Mashat Akram, a mid-fielder, is quoted, as are other players like Arwa Damon, Hawar Mullah Mohammed and their revered coach, Ammo Baba— a national figure in the sport who begged the occupying U.S. forces to give the country back its soccer field. The field had become a parking lot for U.S. tanks. U.S. envoy J. Paul Bremer did return the use of the soccer field to the Iraqi players. The result was a national team made up of Sunni, Shia and Kurdish players, the sons of sworn enemies battling in a bloody war, uniting their country in its darkest hour.

As the players relate, they were initially happy to see Saddam’s regime fall: “We wanted freedom, but we lost security.” Chaos reigned in the city, with blatant kidnappings, especially of soccer idols. Many players left the country as a result, but the team that was put together at the last minute and had only about 16 days to prepare under a new coach (he was only given a 40 day contract) felt that: “We all believed that the team was a symbol that the nation could follow.” After the regime fell, sectarian violence broke out in a civil war that caused the deaths of many. The players were almost ready to stop playing, due to the violence that occurred during celebrations of their victories. A mother who had lost a young son to violence sent the message, “I will not accept condolences for my son until the Iraqi team brings the cup home.”

That spurred the team on to victory. It reminded Iraqis that they are better together than apart. As one former player said, “The goal sparked joy in wounded Iraq.”

THE BAD

Tearing down of Saddam Hussein’s statue in Baghdad, Iraq in 2003.

There really is no “bad” to point out. It’s a tremendous film, emotional and inspiring. The footage of the fall of Baghdad is historic, including the infamous pulling down of the statue of Saddam Hussein. Eleven soccer players came together to heal their country when diplomats could not achieve unity.

Special mention should be made of the music (Mark Bartels and Jace Blayton), an underlying current of tension, culminating in a rap song that is part in English, part in the native tongue. The ending with a participant breaking down in tears over the import of the Asia Cup historic win is touching. The cinematographer (Adam Carboni) and editor (Lucas Harger) have done a great job in helping bring Director Lucian Read’s little-known story to the screen.

CONCLUSION

See “Lions of Mesopotamia” when it inevitably sells to a streaming service. It’s great! If you’re also a soccer fan, you’ll enjoy it even more. The historic significance should not be downplayed. It shows how George W. Bush’s decision to take us to war on two fronts during his terms in office did not help the U.S. win friends and influence people. As one participant says, “It’s horribly painful what’s happening in this country.” Many lessons can be learned about the need to stand united as a people, and not allow any country to devolve into destructive sectarian violence.

“An Army of Women” Profiles Sexual Assault in Austin, Texas on SXSW Opening Night

By Connie Wilson

On March 8, 2024

In Essays on Politics: Best Political Essays & Ideology, Movies, Politics, Pop Culture, Reviews, Texas

Director of “An Army of Women” Julie Lunde Lillesaeter.

Norwegian director Julie Lillesaeter has directed a documentary about 3 Austin (Texas) women attempting to seek justice for their rapes or sexual assaults. Ultimately, the 3—Amy, Marina, and Hanna—join 12 other women in a groundbreaking federal class-action lawsuit. It is the first lawsuit to argue that sexual assault isn’t prosecuted enough, primarily because it is a crime that predominantly affects women. The plaintiffs also made clear that they were frequently not believed, despite proof that one perpetrator went on to assault 5 other people after raping one of the victims.

Three, in particular are highlighted: including Mary Reyes and Marina Garrett. Lawyers Jennifer Ecklund and Elizabeth Myers charged, in the original 2018 lawsuit, violations of survivors’ Fourth, Fifth, and Fourteenth Amendment rights.

The women are shown addressing the Austin City Council about the failure to prosecute their cases in a timely fashion. One of the women had been fighting for justice for 15 years, since 2008. Their rallying cry: “We’re here to force change in a system that seems to be incontrovertibly broken.”

At the time, Norwegian director Julie Lunde Lillesaeter was living in Austin. It was 2019. She told Sarah Marloff (Austin Chronicle) “I was really shocked. I was naively thinking that when assaults happen, there’s a system in place to handle it properly, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. :When I learned about the lawsuit, I realized the system is really failing spectacularly. And there doesn’t seem like anyone in charge wants to fix it.”

THE GOOD

Lillesaeter felt the cause was worthwhile and that the David versus Goliath elements would spark European interest. She said, “I think it’s really hopeful, as serious as it is. It’s a sort of a story that show you can change systems. Even if it’s an Austin story, it feels very relevant no matter where you are.” The documentary has already sold in Germany, France and the Scandinavian countries.

Ultimately, the women persist and change the system, winning these concessions:

Enhanced training for police department and prosecutors.
Adding staff to the Austin Police Department sex crimes unit.
Notification of survivors about progress in ongoing cases.
Creation of a soft interview room.
Releasing data to the public about cases involving sexual assault.
Survivor involvement in policy decisions.

Each plaintiff in the case got $75,000 with $100,000 toward legal fees, and $4,670,000 was assigned for policy improvements.

The women’s group also targeted then District Attorney Margaret Moore and helped elect current Travis County District Attorney Jose Garza (who is currently running for re-election.)

THE BAD

“An Army of Women” at SXSW highlights failures in the Austin, Texas, system for prosecuting sex offenders.

The film is slow-moving. It primarily takes place in courtrooms and the 84 minutes move very slowly. Since that is the point of the lawsuit, perhaps that is appropriate.

When one of the women, Marina, was awarded $20,000 after years of struggle in courtrooms, she seemed extremely excited about how much money she would be receiving. Marina’s story involved her drinking on 6^th Street and being dragged into an alley and raped against her will. She said that the police did not believe her.

Even one of the lawyers said that she felt the amount ultimately awarded Marina was “pretty disappointing from a messaging standpoint,” despite the fact that Marina was exulting, saying, “I am so excited about the settlement.”

It seems clear that the Austin Police Department fell down on the job. The plaintiffs had high hopes that the new Travis County District Attorney (Jose Garza) would be a better listener and would do more in office to prosecute sexual assault than his female predecessor had done. (Recent ads during this primary election season run by Garza’s Republican opponents suggest failure(s) on Garza’s part in this department, but that would be standard operating procedure in elections.)

One of the plaintiffs (Hanna Senko) used a pseudonym at the outset of the film, calling herself Amy Smith, Victim #1. By the end of the film, she is willing to use her real name. Her case involved being drugged and date-raped by a man she knew. Difficult to know what the reasoning was for initially concealing her true identity. Marina Garrett, by contrast, began advocating for change back in 2016 when the city’s rape kit backlog made headlines. Several members of the Austin City Council also apologized to the women for how they had been not been believed and how long it had taken for justice to be achieved. Receiving an apology from the city was important to the women plaintiffs.

CONCLUSION

One reason the film seemed so long is that the subject matter is unwieldy. As Director Lillesaeter acknowledged, shaping the story into a concise narrative was a challenge. She said, “There’s so much more that could have been said…When you make a film like this, you have to make choices.”

It’s an important fight and it took too long a time for the long-suffering women to triumph, but the pace of this film also took too long a time.

The Eagles with Steely Dan in Austin at the Moody Center on Feb. 3, 2024

By Connie Wilson

On February 4, 2024

In Local, Music, News, Pop Culture, Texas

“The Iron Claw” Revisits Pro Wrestling’s Von Erich Family

By Connie Wilson

On January 15, 2024

In Local, Movies, Pop Culture, Reviews, Texas

Since (Scott) Beck & (Bryan) Woods selected “The Iron Claw” to open their new Davenport (Iowa) theater, and it is doing well at the box office, while Jeremy Allen White is really gaining steam as a leading man, I went to see “The Iron Claw” here in Texas. Texas is definitely Von Erich territory, site of the Dallas Sportatorium where much of the wrestling matches of yesteryear took place. (“Please note: There will be spoilers.)

“The Iron Claw” recounts the mostly “true story of the inseparable Von Erich brothers, who made history in the intensely competitive world of professional wrestling in the early 1980s. Through tragedy and triumph, under the shadow of their domineering father and coach, the brothers seek larger-than-life immortality on the biggest stage in sports.” “The Iron Claw” is the mostly true story of a wrestling family whose real surname was Adkinsson. Their stage name in the wrestling world was Von Erich. Jack Barton Adkisson wrestled under the name Fritz Von Erich and then encouraged his sons, Kerry, Kevin, David and Michael, to follow him into the ring. (*Son Chris also wrestled, but less successfully than his brothers, and is not depicted in this film, for reasons that don’t seem to make sense.)

CAST

Written and directed by Sean Durkin (“Martha Marcy May Marlene” and TV’s “Dead Ringers”), “The Iron Claw” stars Zac Efron (“High School Musical 3: Senior Year”); Jeremy Allen White, who first came to my attention as the character Lip (Philip) in the television series “Shameless;” and Maura Tierney of “The Affair.” Holt McAllany (“Mindhunter,” “Fight Club”) was the standout for me, and when you check out his credits, that is not surprising. Lily James as Pam, Kevin’s wife, is also very good, and Bill Mercer as Michael J. Harney is also good in his part.

However, I came to see Jeremy Allen White, and for more than an hour, I thought I’d walked into the wrong movie.

Jeremy Allen White is hot, right now, as the star of the television series “The Bear.” He walked off with the Golden Globe and the Critics Choice awards in the past week. You really get the feeling that Jeremy is slated for great things dramatically. This film, unfortunately, doesn’t give him that much to do. He doesn’t have the physicality of Zac Efron, but, considering the lengths to which Zac Efron went, maybe that is a good thing. Jeremy admitted on the late night talk shows that he was a novice to the wrestling world. (He gave much credit to Chavo Guerrero, who both instructed the non-wrestlers in the cast and portrayed the character The Iron Sheikh.)

The two other brothers we see portrayed onscreen are David Von Erich (Harris Dickinson of “Beach Rats”) and Michael Von Erich (Stanley Simons, “Angelfish”).

FACTS NOT IN EVIDENCE

According to Wikipedia, Fritz and wife Doris had six sons: Jack Barton Jr. (September 21, 1952 – March 7, 1959), Kevin (born May 15, 1957), David (July 22, 1958 – February 10, 1984), Kerry (February 3, 1960 – February 18, 1993), Mike (March 2, 1964 – April 12, 1987) and Chris (September 30, 1969 – September 12, 1991). Of Adkisson’s six sons, Kevin was the only one still living by the time Adkisson died in 1997.

The couple later separated and Doris divorced her husband on July 21, 1992 after 42 years of marriage.” The movie didn’t make any mention of the exact manner in which the couple’s first child, Jack Jr., died, but Wikipedia says that it was an accidental electrocution and drowning when the child was just 7 years old. The movie also did not mention the youngest child, Chris, and the couple’s divorce after 42 years of marriage was also glossed over. (Adkisson died of lung and brain cancer just 5 years after the divorce.)

PLOT

Kevin Von Erich, the only surviving Von Erich brother.

The movie references the fact that the family is cursed.

As the plot unfolds, it seems to be more a case of the overbearing father’s parenting techniques than of a curse. Kevin’s wife, Pamela says there is a belief in good or bad luck and then there is the belief that we make our own luck. It seems that the constant emphasis on being the best and being strong and winning drove three of his sons to kill themselves. The script repeatedly articulates this thought:“If we were the toughest, the strongest, the most successful, nothing could ever hurt us.” That turns out to be bad advice, and the underlying message seems to be that men should be allowed to have a vulnerable, sensitive side.

There were some things in the film that were murky. For instance, did Daddy Fritz embezzle money, either from his hard-working sons or from the promoters who underwrote his wrestling emporium? Why did writer/director Sean Durkin decide to leave the youngest son, Chris—who also committed suicide at 21—out of the movie? Yes, I read that he thought 3 sons who killed themselves was just one too many, but Chris, the baby, had the most cause, as he didn’t have the physical gifts of his older brothers and was struggling to fit in. That would seem to have been a good plot point, as the four brothers who were better known were generally gifted athletes. In fact, Kerry (Jeremy Allen White) is only shown joining the family business after Jimmy Carter took the U.S. out of the 1982 Olympics and, therefore, destroyed Kerry’s hopes of going to the Olympics as a discus competitor.

For that matter, why didn’t he give Doris, portrayed by seasoned veteran Maura Tierney (“The Affair”) more dramatic eulogy scenes at any of the funerals for her sons? Maura Tierney could have hit that ball out of the park. Instead, she has a very pedestrian part that could have been so much more. Opportunity lost.

Was son Kerry’s motorcycle accident no more than that? The way it is portrayed in the film, it looks like that might also have been a suicidal gesture. And brother David’s (Harris Dickinson) insistence that he is “okay” when he is vomiting blood also seemed self-destructive and suicidal. (He dies in Japan from a ruptured intestine.)

I was surprised that Jeremy Allen White didn’t appear in the film until roughly an hour into the 2 hour 12 minute movie. Jeremy Allen White is white-hot right now, coming off his Golden Globe, Critics Choice and Emmy wins for his lead role in “The Bear.”

The actor who impressed me the most was not any of those who got top billing, but Holt McCallany who played the boys’ father. He was awesome. While everyone was impressed by how ripped Zac Efron appeared as Kevin Von Erich, at only 5’ 8” he looked too animalistic for my tastes. The other actors portraying the Von Erich brothers appeared more “normal” in appearance.

I also thought the “meeting in heaven” was odd. It’s nice to have a happy ending, but the failure to portray one dead brother (Chris) at all just made it seem weird, to me.

I was never much of a pro wrestling fan, but I enjoyed the film. Also a small shout-out to Aaron Dean Eisenberg, who portrayed Ric Flair with—-well, flair. He was a hoot.

Looking for the Perfect Canine for Christmas? These Dogs May—or May Not—Be Your Choice

By Connie Wilson

On November 25, 2023

In Humor and Weird Wilson-isms, Local, News, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Texas

Thanksgiving, 2023, is officially in the books.

We spent it at the movies (“Napoleon”) but before I write that review for the film that opened wide on November 22^nd, a little levity looking forward to the most commercial holiday of the season might be appropriate. And these dogs might be your choice for a forever friend. (Or not).

German Shepherd dog

In scanning the November 21^st issue of the “Austin American Statesman” for potential topics, I was first attracted to this headline: “Husband Asks Spouse to Annoy His Parents to Motivate Them to Leave.”

That sounded promising, but, in my usual manner, I continued scanning the various articles and read this one, which had a much-less-amusing title: “Shelter Places Dogs Cut From TSA Training.”

It sounded like an informative straight-ahead news story, and I like dogs as well as the next man—err, woman—so I read on.

Apparently, there is a special animal shelter at Joint Base San Antonio-Lackland that is used to house dogs rejected for government service, like the canines used to sniff out drugs by the TSA.

The purpose of the article seemed to be to find “forever homes” for these furry rejects for government service. The article even contained an e-mail address that applicants could use: [email protected]. The article went on to say that multiple visits to San Antonio might be required to meet the animal and make sure the prospective new owners would be a good fit for the animal(s). It was further advised that the prospective owners should arrive at the training center on adoption day with a leash, a collar, and appropriately-sized shipping crate. (Nothing like being prepared and explicit, I always say.)

So, what sorts of animals might we be competing to own?

Let’s just run through a few of the rejected animals awaiting our applications in San Antonio.

Toby

First, there is Toby. Toby is a 10-year-old Labrador Retriever (the very dog I owned as a child). Toby was rejected for service because of situational anxiety causing him to suck in more air than necessary which made him become bloated. Like all the other animals on the list, Toby was described as highly active, untrained, and not housebroken, but, (said the article) “with proper training and care they can be a great addition to families.”

Second on the list was Lydka, a 3-year-old German Shepherd who actually made it into service as a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately, Lydka was easily distracted by noise and people and didn’t do well under pressure. She was fired for her performance on the job and requires a more stress-free environment.

Third on the list was Tommy, a 3-year-old English Springer Spaniel, who was dismissed because he developed an upper airway obstruction.

Jack, a 2-year-old German Shepherd, never even made it into training because of suspected kidney disease.

Tommy

Most of the dogs have not been exposed to any animals other than other dogs and are not comfortable around small children. To be considered for selection as the adoptive owner, the prospective owner must have a fenced-in yard and no plans to move within 6 months of the adoption. Any other pets already in the home must be up to date on vaccination and preventative care. Of course, the prospective owner must also promise to provide appropriate medical care, exercise, training and companionship.

So, if you are available to adopt a non-housebroken, highly active, possibly sick canine that flunked out of TSA (or other) school, feel free to contact the San Antonio-Lackland Joint Base. Sounds like the perfect Christmas pet, doesn’t it?