Tag: SXSW 2025

Director Dan Farah worked 2 and ½ years on his documentary “The Age of Disclosure.” Previously Farah had produced Steven Spielberg’s “Ready Player One” and has numerous other credits on IMDB.com. In “The Age of Disclosure,” which premiered at SXSW on Sunday, March 9th, 2025 at the Paramount Theater in downtown Austin, 34 government, military and intelligence community figures speak out about alien intelligence and UAP, Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena. (Formerly known as UFOs).

From “The Hollywood Reporter” (Daniel Feiberg, March 9, 2025): “Almost nothing in The Age of Disclosure is “new,” per se. The documentary uses these 34 talking heads from various levels of the government, military and intelligence community to allege a deep state conspiracy covering up interactions with non-human intelligent life and technology of non-human origin going back 80 years. Many of the people in the documentary have testified before Congress about what they say they know, and more than a couple of them have been in previous documentaries and docuseries recounting their stories with the same level of personal conviction.”

The pilots and scientists who told stories of their encounters with Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena seemed legitimate. Telling the audience that the document is “unprecedented and revelatory” was NOT totally accurate. But it was an interesting and slick documentary that the young audience seemed to totally accept. Director Dan Farah, from the stage, disclosed that he had been told by “key members of the White House” (one a personal friend) that they are going to be using this film. Congressman Tim Burchett of Tennessee was onstage as a proponent of additional Congressional hearngs. On March 12th, Burchett, who represents Tennessee’s 2nd Congressional district, appeared on CNN defending DOGE and addressing questions about a potential government shutdown. Burchett is part of the new House subcommittee overseeing President Trump’s DOGE (Department of Governmental Efficiency.)

Tim Burchett (R, TN) is one of the Committee Heads of DOGE, Elon Musk’s Department of Governmental Efficiency and was Committee Chairman for the first Congressional hearings on UAP (until he was removed from that position 18 hours before the hearings).

The “secret war” amongst major nations is a competition to be the first to reverse engineer technology of non-human origin: a contention for which the film offered no real proof. Nor had the term “the Legacy Crash Retrieval Program” been used previously, to my knowledge. Was it coined for this film? The documentary alleges that this secret program goes back to President Harry Truman and 1947, and that Roswell (NM) really happened the way it’s been portrayed in the movies. The film flatly states that there was a boot-shaped aircraft with hieroglyphs or runes within it, 4 non-human bodies that were sent to Wright Air Force Base. [I’ve been to the Roswell, New Mexico “museum” devoted to this crash; it is not persuasive at all, unless you’re “in” to paper mache re-enactments.]

There is a second contention presented as fact that Russia recovered a Tic Tac ship in 1989 and 4 non-human bodies. Proof, again, is not available, all because of the “conspiracy” to keep things secret.

Who would want to keep this secret? And why?

As another reviewer noted, “My problem isn’t the lack of opposing voices. It’s that there could not be experts debunking anything because nothing is proven, therefore nothing can be refuted…If someone insists (as one man in the documentary does), without evidence, that people they can’t or won’t name were killed to keep certain things they can’t tell you about secret, what are you going to say?” What about cell phone video of these encounters in this day and age of cell phones?

DEFENSE CONTRACTORS

Dan Farah, Director of "The Age of Disclosure"

Dan Farah, 45, Director of “The Age of Disclosure.” (Photo by Ali Feinstein)

Tops on the list for people with a motive to refuse to reveal the truth of alien spaceship crashes are defense contractors. The contention is that defense contractors have been going to flying saucer crash sites for years, but won’t share the knowledge they glean because they want to keep it for themselves, reverse engineer whatever they find, and become Top Dog. Hence, the Age of Disclosure, since we all can agree that transparency—so far not very forthcoming in any political administration ever—would be desirable. The film even goes so far as to suggest that the Presidents during these 80 years might not have been “in the know” and used the example of former President George Herbert Bush, who was also once the head of the CIA, so…. It seems illogical that Bush I could be kept in the dark, but the film does a good job of making it all seem plausible. And isn’t that enough for the fans of Alex Jones, for instance? Should it be “enough” for we regular citizens who owe it to ourselves and our nation to really dig deep on simply accepting statements as fact (“Your grocery prices will go down on Day One,” for instance, from one political candidate.) Don’t we owe it to ourselves and our country to ask tough questions, no matter how much we WANT to believe?

TECHNIQUES

One technique for giving some of the speakers legitimacy is to have them stand near monuments like the Washington Monument or have their picture appear right after another better-known individual. Another is to insert a brief snippet of someone like Bill Clinton being asked about alien life on a talk show format and include President Clinton’s neutral-but-open-minded answer. It was former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton who revealed (on Jimmy Kimmel’s show) that the term, today, for what we had come to identify as a UFO, is now UAP, Unidentified Anomolous Phenomena. Many of the scientists and pilots absolutely come across as telling the truth and some governmental spokespeople seem honest (and some don’t, which I’ll address in another article.)

Another alien existence testifier not in this film, but on Joe Rogan’s podcast, Bob Lazar (Bob Lazar: Area 51 and Flying Saucers) commented that changing the terms the general public uses might well be an attempt to keep the general public from investigating further. Lazar takes no money from his appearance(s) and testimony. He also tries not to make many of them, as he talks about working on a retrieved space ship at Los Alamos many years ago. He, also, experienced the “he never worked here” public denial that was discredited. So perhaps there is a kernel of truth within this slickly put-together documentary. And we’re all interested in getting to the truth, aren’t we?

But is the entire aim to enlighten the public and spark more investigations, or are there other concealed motives at play?

THE EVIDENCE

Typical of the images used in “The Age of Disclosure” to convey gravitas and legitimacy. (Photo credit: Vincent Wrenn).

Owen Gleiberman, in “Variety:” The evidence, if you truly look at it, isn’t all that compelling: blurry black-and-white U.S. government video footage that shows tiny objects zipping forward over the surface of the water. It’s the footage of aerial phenomena witnessed by Navy pilots that we all saw back in 2021, when it was declassified. It’s fascinating to look at but quite inconclusive. It’s hardly the stuff that alien dreams are made of.”

There were a lot of juxtapositions of the officials testifying with well-known figures like Secretary of State Marco Rubio. Were they attempting to give the speakers legitimacy? The pilot or expert would be telling us, as fact, that alien bodies existed, but their existence was “covered up.” The reasons for this ranged from the lust for power by anyone in the know (pick your agency, because all of them are being discredited these days) to this theory, which makes sense: “We must prepare for the unforeseen or whatever we’ve not seen before. It could be a threat to humanity. If this is something they can’t protect us against, they don’t want to tell the public about it.”

So far, so good.

THE WORLD HANGS IN THE BALANCE?

Then comes the statement “We need unprecedented levels of cooperation to face an alien threat from outside this world.” Does this mean that we must completely change our historic allegiances and our positions as “the leader of the Free World” and cozy up to Russia? [Gee! That would be quite a big change, wouldn’t it?] And how would this “unprecedented level of cooperation” work if we recently had placed huge tariffs on most of our biggest trading partners (our old friends and allies) leading to a plummeting stock market and a lot of economic uncertainty in the days ahead, not to mention a fair amount of returned antagonism. In other words, can we even count on Canada and Mexico, our traditional allies, to join us to fight an alien enemy? How popular are we now in Europe, since we seem to have turned our backs on NATO, the Ukraine, and recently voted against the UN resolution censuring Russia for invading Ukraine? Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t our president just say that Ukraine caused the war and Zelensky (not Putin) was a dictator?

What about the concept that other nations (Russia, China, etc.) might be behind the space ship sightings which seem to have increased of late? Are drones somehow to blame for recent increases in UAP sightings?

ABOUT THE DOCUMENTARY

This is a well-done documentary that made me immediately think of the documentary that convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza released to discredit President Barack Obama, entitled 2016: Obama’s America. That was a hit job, full of “facts” that didn’t add up. But it made a lot of money. It became the fifth highest-grossing documentary-style film in the United States during the last four decades,^[98] and the second highest-grossing political documentary. He’s made a lot of other questionable documentaries, all of them pushing “facts” that are really D’Souza’s far right neo-Conservative beliefs, with little or no factual foundation(s). The testimony in “The Age of Disclosure” is definitely worth examining and discussing, but intelligent viewers will remain skeptical and keep questioning and asking for proof.

This documentary (unlike any of D’Souzas), on the contrary, has some stated noble goals.

The good: transparency, letting the American people know the truth, establishing a resource for pilots to report what they see while on the job. (“We need to have standardized reporting for both military and civilian pilots.”) Educating ourselves about potential scientific advances and progress that should be shared with mankind.

The bad?

Stories about “secret organizations” and established organizations refusing to cooperate in sharing important knowledge. Not saying it isn’t true; saying we should continue to question and not gullibly accept everything we are told. Naturally, this theme of “secret conspiracies” leads us to distrust every organization in existence, to the point that we are pitted against each other as Americans. And to the point that many of these organizations (FBI, CIA, IRS, Social Security, USAID, etc.) are currently under intense attack. Seems to be a lot of that going around lately. Maybe it cannot be avoided.

Discrediting all legitimate news sources and refusing to allow agencies like the Associated Press to cover White House briefings (ostensibly because they haven’t begun calling the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America) is not good for us as a nation or for the stock market, as we are all currently experiencing. A free press is the people’s friend and trying to “control” the dissemination of all news is a page right out of Putin’s playbook Distrusting the courts—the last bastion of protection against the chaos being perpetrated by DOGE— not good. What could happen if all of the citizenry rise up in rebellion? (Did you see Alex Garland’s “Civil War,” 2024?) Personally, I’d like to see a return to the days of presidential decorum when the incumbent didn’t berate and belittle his predecessor non-stop, but acted “presidential,” responsible, moral, compassionate and reasonable. Enough with DOGE and firing thousands of loyal government servants. Let’s slow down and do some serious thinking about the repercussions of such drastic acts, shall we? But I digress.

Some of the 34 talking heads who appeared in “The Age of Disclosure,” onstage at SXSW on March 9, 2025. (Photo by Connie Wilson).

CONCLUSION

“Mulder, the truth is out there,” says FBI Special Agent Dana Scully in Episode 17, “but so are lies.”

Either the things that the people in “The Age of Disclosure” are talking about are alien spaceships…or they’re not. Many who see the film will come away thinking that they are real, says Owen Gleiberman in “Variety,” because the film is well-done (Kudos to Editor Spencer Averick, Cinematographer Vincent Wrenn and Blair Mowat’s music. Mostly, the documentary is talking heads stating things as facts for 109 minutes with no real proof except our own intrinsic willingness to believe that “we are not alone.”) I’m as open-minded about accepting these testimonials and as willing to believe as anybody, but I’m also a born skeptic.

Is there another “hidden agenda” operating here? Think about that, too, before accepting every word or supposed “fact” as Gospel.

Crew: Director: Dan Farah. Camera: Vincent Wrenn. Editor: Spencer Averick. Music: Blair Mowat.
With:Lue Elizondo, Chris Mellon, Marco Rubio, Hal Puthoff, Jay Stratton, James Clapper, Kirsten Gillibrand, André Carson, Brett Ferrderson, David Fravor.

(*Read the companion piece, “A Funny Thing Happened to Me on My Way to the Documentary”).

“The Home,” Swedish Horror Film, Premieres at SXSW on March 10, 2025

By Connie Wilson

On March 11, 2025

In Best Paranormal Stories Online to Read | Paranormal Podcast, Movies, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Pop Culture, Reviews, Scary stories

Director/Co-writer Matthew Skoglund of “The Home” at SXSW 2025. (Photo by Malin LQ).

“The Home,” a Swedish horror movie, based on the novel by Mat’s Strandberg, premiered at SXSW on March 10, 2025, with its Director Matthias Skoglund and stars Gizem Erdogan and Philip Oros present. The movie focuses on a son (Joel, played by Philip Oros) putting his ailing mother, Monika (Anki Liden) in a nursing home in Sweden called Ekskuggen. “The Home” will screen again on March 12th at 3 p.m, at the Alamo Drafthouse on Lamar (Theaters 1, 8 and 6).

PLOT

The synopsis provided by the filmmakers read: “Many years after leaving the small town behind, Joel returns to move his mother Monika into a home for the elderly struggling with dementia. However, Monika’s health takes a turn for the worse soon after her arrival. She experiences terrifying visions of her late husband, Joel’s abusive father, and begins exhibiting violent behavior. Joel begins to believe that something malevolent and supernatural has taken control of his mother. But with his own history of substance abuse and mental instability, can he trust his own perceptions? As Monika’s memories fade, Joel must confront the demons of his own past, dredged up by his return to the home where he grew up.”

Director Matthew Skoglund of “Home” at the party hosted by the Swedish consulate on March 10, 2025 at SXSW. (Photo by Connie Wilson).

Monika Eddington, during her life, had a stroke. For a brief period of time, she was technically dead. During that time something supernatural may have breached the barrier between life and death. She now “knows things she shouldn’t know” and bad things are happening in the nursing home.

Son Joel (Philip Oros) had a troubled relationship with his dead father throughout his life. His father constantly called him horrible names, accused him of being a drug addict, and was physically abusive. His mother was not immune to such perverse treatment at the hands of her husband, Bengt. Bengt is now deceased. (Or is he?)

As the film opens, Monika is in her kitchen and things are out of control. Soapsuds are rising in the unattended sink. Everything is in disarray, and the elderly woman mentions Bengt (her deceased husband), “is waiting for me on the other side.” Monika is confused about Joel’s identity, at first, and seems fragile and unhealthy.

DIALOGUE

Aside from a humorous reference to the home (Ekskuggen) as the Hotel Incontinental, the exchange between Monika and her son, Joel, is far from humorous. At first, exhibiting signs of dementia, she confuses him with her older son Bjorn, the owner of a successful business. Then she asks, “Are you really going to leave me here. What have I done wrong?…But I’m not supposed to be here. This must be a mistake.” Those scenes are heartbreaking. They are often also universal in a world where the Baby Boomers are rapidly aging.

As someone who has had to put her mother into a home (Lantern Park, Coralville, Iowa), the placing of an elderly relative in custodial care is, indeed, traumatic for both sides. In my own case, I moved my mother between the home and her apartment three times, in an attempt to keep her independent, which was her desire. (The home said I “held the record” for multiple moves.) Type II 4-shots-a-day diabetes and poor eyesight eventually forced her into the home full-time, where she lived for 3 full years.

Director Matthew Skoglund, Philip Oros, Gizem Erdogan and Producer Siri Hjorton Wagner at the Premiere of “The Home” at SXSW, March 10, 2025 (Photo by Connie Wilson).

The three lead characters (Monika, Nina and Joel) were convincingly portrayed. Anki Liden, who played the elderly Monika, did a great job, and Joel (Philip Oros) and Gizem Erdogan (Nina) were supported by an actress playing Olivia (Malin Levanon), another attendant in the home, who also did a fine job. While Anki (Monika) joined the project only one month before shooting started, Gizem was in from the beginning (2017), having read the novel, She said, “I really loved the novel and joined the project early.” Gizem came aboard during an early version of the script that later removed much of the detective speak that originally dealt with Monika’s mysterious injuries. Director Matthias Skoglund worked with the novelist (Mat Strandberg) to craft the script, which also changed to keep the focus on the three major characters, an adaptation from the book.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

The camera work by Malin LQ was well done. There were shots of the full moon over the shoulder of a main character or a field of waving grass that were beautifully composed. But the creepiness of the home was key. Unlike some films with dark scenes, it was clear what we were looking at. My only criticism would focus on the pacing of the action, as there are enough violent action and intense scenes, ranging from “jump scares” on, but the time between these beats dragged at times.

This is the third film or TV series I’ve seen recently that went inside a custodial care facility seeking horror. John Lithgow has a 2024 release “The Rule of Jenny Pen,” while Ted Danson’s current “Inside Man” television series is a lighter approach to what goes on behind the doors of nursing homes. Bubba-Hotep all the way back to 2002 is a precursor, with Barbara Hershey’s turn in “The Manor” in 2021 an Amazon Original movie with a horror-themed look at the topic.

SOUND

The leads of “The Home” answering questions during the Q&A for “The Home” on March 10, 2025 at SXSW. (Photo by Connie Wilson).

I was impressed by the sound design (Matis Rei), music (Toti Gudnason) and general creepiness of effects like the crashing noises in the kitchen or the point in the film where I wrote: “This sounds like an avalanche.” Director Mathias Skogland explained that he comes from a radio and podcast background “so sound was very important.” He worked with an Icelandic composer and an Estonian sound design team; the result was impressive.

Lead Philip Oros described the project: “It was fun, but also difficult. I hadn’t really done anything with supernatural elements before.” Producer Siri Hjorton Wagner said that the group began working on the project in 2017. The film shows one more time here at SXSW (Wednesday, March 12th) and joins the ranks of “Horror Movies with Nursing Home Settings” that are worth taking in, (if you don’t mind the scary side of the street and subtitles.)

“My Uncle Jens” @SXSW Paints A Portrait of Immigrant Woes

By Connie Wilson

On March 10, 2025

In Movies, Of Local (Quad Cities') Interest, Pop Culture, Reviews, Texas

Director Brwa Vahabpour. (Photo by Tori Gjendal).

“My Uncle Jens” is a joint Norwegian/Romanian production which marks the feature film debut at SXSW 2025 of Screenwriter/Director Brwa Vahabpour. Uncle Jens might more accurately be dubbed Uncle Khdr, as the main character has come to Oslo from the Iranian part of Kurdistan. He adopts the alias Jens. Brwa Vahabpour is writing about a culture he knows well. He attracted positive attention for his 2020 short film “Silence” that was featured at the Palm Springs International Shorts Fest.

The plot focuses on a young literature teacher in Oslo (Norway) named Akam (Peiman Azizpour), who receives a late-night visit from his estranged Uncle Khdr, his father’s brother. Why is the movie not entitled Uncle Khdr, rather than Uncle Jens? That explanation goes back to the common ploy of trying to “blend in” to a strange land by adopting a more common surname. In Khdr’s case, he begins using the Norwegian first name Jens after a conversation with a friendly cab driver.

Jens (Hamza Agoshi) claims he is in town for a surprise visit.

THE PLOT

Akam (Peiman Azizpour) doesn’t live alone. He has two roommates, a young girl (Theresa Frostad Eggesbo) and a tall, lanky yellow-haired stork-like Norwegian male, Stian (Magnus Lysbakken). Lysbakken as Stian represents the stereotype of “yellow-haired people” that Uncle Jens references when he says, to Akam, “You’re probably busy with those yellow-haired people.”

Uncle Jens immediately begins shaming his nephew into hosting him in his cramped apartment. He uses the term “peshkesh,” meaning “from me to you.” Uncle Jens is loud, he snores, he takes the one single bed (while Akam sleeps on the floor). Jens has many other annoying and obnoxious habits, including smoking in the apartment, which the roommates object to. Jens also constantly leaves water all over the bathroom floor, throws away the community kitchen brush in favor of a sponge, and just generally behaves as though he is moving in for good. When the roommates ask Akam how long Jens is staying, the answer is always “just a couple days.” In reality, Jens shows no signs of ever leaving.

THE PLOT THICKENS

“My Uncle Jens” (Photo by Jorgen Kluver).

It isn’t until Jens and Akam are out together that Akam begins to find out that his uncle has actually been hanging around a local café owned by a man known as Hussein for a couple of months. Akam begins to realize that Uncle Jens’s “surprise visit” may never end, and he finally begins to realize that maybe his uncle is not in the country legally. What, then, does that mean for him?

Akam is advised by a friend to beware of guests who arrive in the middle of the night. The friend directs him to a girl named Elina (Sarah Frances Braenne), who works for the Directorate of Immigration in Norway and knows the country’s immigration rules.

THE RULES

Akam devises a clever ruse to try to find out what rules apply to people visiting Norway from other countries. He pretends to be writing a short story about a Norwegian girl whose aunt arrives unexpectedly to visit. He asks about Norway’s rules for visitors. For openers, says Elena, visitors should have a written invitation from the person in Norway in order to qualify for a visitor’s visa. Also, the visitor has to have state proof that they are able to return to their country of origin (Iran). Elena adds that, if the visitor is up to no good (human trafficking, etc.) that can lead to deportation for them and for those who might be harboring them. She suggests that the visitor has to have proof of employment and other such signs of being an upstanding individual. Meanwhile, Akim and Elena are hitting it off as a couple which will complicate matters.

What is going through Akam’s mind is “Yikes!”

At one point, Akam almost anonymously turns his uncle in, but when they ask what address the suspect is at, he hangs up, realizing that he will be implicating himself, as well.

DENOUEMENT

My Uncle Jens lead, Akam (Peiman Aizpour).

“My Uncle Jens” lead, Akam, portrayed by Peiman Azizpour. (Photo by Jorgen Kluver).

As Akam and the rest of us feared, there is finally a visit from the representatives of the Directorate of Immigration. They are very polite, but they do search the house, looking for Uncle Jens. It is time for Jens to go, but, before he leaves, he has caused the downfall of the Elena/Akam relationship and has told a harrowing tale of his escape from Iran and assuming the alias Sabir Salehi.

A STORY FOR OUR TIMES

Much like the illegals attempting to flee violence and economic insecurity in their homeland, Uncle Jens has been both physically assaulted and threatened to the point that he made the harrowing journey to Turkey (Istanbul) and, by boat, to Greece. He was placed in various holding facilities while he awaited a ruling on his request for asylum. Unfortunately, the authorities rejected his application and he received a deportation notice. Among other things, Jens says, “I have to prove that my life is really in danger.” Ironically, he asks his nephew, “Can’t you see your lies affect all those around you?”

CONCLUSION

It is easy to see the parallels between Uncle Jens and every immigrant on the run. The country may not be Norway, but there are so many countries in turmoil and so many refugees wanting to settle in a country that can offer them a better life. That list would go on for a very long time. Two people on that list would have been my Grandfather (Ole Monson) from Norway and my Grandmother (Rena Stietske Weirda) from the Netherlands.

This film makes a real effort to show us the hurdles that immigrants face on a personal and psychological level. It also underscores the very real dangers that newcomers face and the lengths they will go to to seek a better life for themselves and their families. Can we blame them for these efforts? Recently, it appears that we do, which is sad, and, to me, un-American. “My Uncle Jens” is a tribute to every new citizen to any country. The directorial touches (ringing phone bookending the action; symbolic watch) are nice aspects of a touching movie.

“Retirement Plan:” The 7-Minute Short That Tells the Truth

By Connie Wilson

On February 20, 2025

In Editorial, Humor and Weird Wilson-isms, Movies, Music, Politics, Pop Culture, Reviews

“Retirement Plan Plan:” A 7-minute short from Screen Ireland featuring Domhnall Gleeson.

I recently had the pleasure of viewing a 7-minute short that is to screen at SXSW in March entitled “Retirement Plan.” From Fis Eireann/Screen Ireland. It was written by John Kelly and Tara Lawall and was an absolute delight. If you have the opportunity, don’t miss it. It is narrated by Domhnall Gleason (Bill Weasley in the “Harry Potter” franchise) and shows a man of retirement age musing about all the great things he is going to do in retirement. Meanwhile, in the background, John Carroll Kirby’s simple piano tunes tinkle pleasantly, with the song “Walking Through A House Where A Family Has Lived” giving you another idea about the light-hearted tone of the short piece.

My favorite exchanges were the narrator saying, “I will paraglide.”

In the next frame, he is shown with a walker and says, “I will NOT paraglide.”

The animated character that animators Marah Curran and Eamonn O’Neill present to us in the short muses on many things he will do in retirement: He will read 35 years of books that he has been putting off reading. He will clean his desktop. He will birdwatch. He will swim every morning. He will hike (“Camping is HORRIBLE!”) The camping line made me think of Woody Allen’s famous line about how his idea of “roughing it” was watching black-and-white TV. [Agreed.]

I’ve been retired for 22 years. I joined a gym with a pool in November. It is almost March. I have yet to swim even once. While I did swim (4 times) last year, the chlorine was so bad that I thought I was going to sink to the bottom of the pool, unnoticed, and drown. (Nobody else is swimming during a weekday afternoon; there is no lifeguard). I only learned on a Monday last year when they canceled the children’s swimming class that the chlorine ratio was totally screwed up. So much for, “No, Doc, I don’t know why I get dizzy and almost pass out while swimming. That never happened to me before I retired.” (It could be because L.A. Fitness didn’t bother to check their chlorine levels; some of the kiddies ALSO almost —or did?—pass out. THEN they fixed it!)

HOUSTON ART GALLERY

Lolita at the Houston Art Gallery.

I related to the cartoon character’s comment that he would go to an art gallery and “I will want to be there.”

I recently went on a 3-day trip to see Gauguin paintings at the Houston Art Museum. A really unpleasant woman within the Museum followed me for 4 rooms because I leaned against a wall in the first room. I was severely chastised for same. (There were no paintings nearby or on the wall). She finally cornered me in the fourth room, asking me if I “wanted to talk to her manager.”

My response was, “No. I don’t want to talk to your manager. And I don’t want to talk to you, either. I just want to get out of here. I have a bad knee and I felt dizzy. Which would you rather have had me do? Lean on the wall or pass out on the floor?”

Lolita and I were not destined to become buddies.

I enjoyed the trip, overall, but found myself (once again) trying out a retirement activity with a downside.

OTHER THINGS TO TRY IN RETIREMENT

What other relatable activities does our retired figure discuss?

“I will take better care of myself.” Right. I spend one day a week visiting doctors. (Today: bloodwork; tomorrow, the endocrinologist). This is my Most Normal Retirement Activity: visiting doctors’ offices. Oncologist. Endocrinologist. Heptologist. Dentist. Oral Surgeon. Podiatrist. Dermatologist. Primary Care Physician. I read an article recently that said that this is common in we “mature” individuals and doctors make no effort to help you consolidate the MANY appointments. Today, I was told that an A1C would cost me, personally, $84, because “you’ve had too many tests and your insurance won’t cover it.” [No kidding. I thought I was simply in training to become a human pin cushion.]

Elise Wilson in action. (This is how I envisioned my volleyball playing would appear. It did not.)

“I will finally find my sport.” That’s not gonna’ happen, either. While playing volleyball in a co-ed league, a demented stork-like 6′ 5″ person (male) on the other side of the net spiked it down, hard, on 5′ 2″ me. My left elbow dislocated as I turned a backwards somersault. A nice nurse in the gym ran over and said, “I think you just broke your arm.” We went to the emergency room where I was injected with intravenous valium and X-rayed to see if I HAD broken my arm. (No, but I still have bone chips in my left elbow and it aches when it rains.) I spent 6 months in a sling, invested many dollars in front-closing bras and capes, and had to go to physical therapy to address the torn ligaments and tendons. Not fun for me. The insertion of the elbow back into the socket was not fun for the 2 men attempting that task, nor for me. (The spouse waited in the hall). The little blonde diving in the clip above is my 16-year-old granddaughter, Elise. This is how I envision my volleyball playing looked. Sadly, it did not.

“I will completely nail my final words.”Probably not happening, either. I always liked the guy that wrote, on his tombstone, “I can’t be dead. I still have checks.” That retort has not aged well. There’s always W.C. Fields’ “All in all, I’d rather be in Philadelphia” for a final greeting from the grave.

BEST LINES

From the 7-minute short “Retirement Plan” from Screen Ireland.

In addition to the line “CAMPING IS HORRIBLE” and “I will not paraglide,” I laughed the hardest at the vow to “haunt the absolute shit” out of an enemy. As the author of “Ghostly Tales of Route 66” I hope this option is open to me in the after-life. I have a couple of “friends” (I use the term loosely) and relatives who, after 35 to 60 years of faithful friendship and loyalty on MY part, backstabbed me into wanting to come back as one of the ghosts of Route 66 and give them a little taste of the misery they’ve visited upon me since 2005 (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)

CONCLUSION

I honestly have not laughed so hard at a 7-minute bit in a long time. I would like to thank Fis Eireann/Screen Ireland for this truly delightful (and accurate) presentation on retirement. As someone who loved her job and didn’t really want to retire in 2003, [but did], I salute you.

Retirement sucks, basically.

It means you have to actively seek out things to do and “travel more” and “birdwatching” and “gong to plays” (“I will find out if I like plays”) isn’t cutting it. (I have learned I prefer movies to plays. Hell, I prefer shorts like this one to most plays.)

Retirement was the worst idea I have had—if it was even MY idea. I seem to remember my spouse of 57 years suggesting we would travel more, blah, blah, blah, but that went out the window when he began playing golf locally in multiple golf leagues with his old high school, elementary school, and work colleagues. The last time we traveled anywhere was before the pandemic. (I’m not counting the time shares bought in the nineties, because we go to those every year as our “home away from home.”) Me? I did not grow up in his home town and, post-work, it’s been unfun and dull. I hear that the Governor of Iowa has just declared all of Iowa a disaster area because of the bird flu, and we’re very close to Iowa. I would really like to leave any disaster area before disaster strikes (and they closed the only theater on the Illinois side of the Mississippi for over a year!)

VACATIONS?

The previous owners of Royal Resorts properties in Cancun (we owned at the Sands and the Islander) dumped it into the Holiday Inn Vacation Club All Inclusive world recently. That is a special kind of backstabbing. They built a kiddies’ pool right outside of our first floor digs. Now I get to listen to screaming kiddies knocking themselves out on the water slide at the crack of dawn. I can hardly wait. Does that sound like fun in retirement? [Just shoot me now.]

From the short “Retirement Plan”(Fis Eireann/Screen Ireland).

If I were to be asked what I would recommend people do in retirement, I would recommend that they watch this 7-minute film, because it has summed up my own reaction(s) perfectly, including the line “I will find out what a pension is.” I have. It’s not great. Between the taking of half of my Social Security moneys because I had been a teacher and we had a state pension system (I spent more time in the private sector, but Social Security still took half) and the potential insolvency of the Illinois TRS (Teachers’ Retirement System), who knows? I may be back at work before long.

Don’t give up your day job, but do try to see this wonderfully honest and creative short 7-mnute film. After all, if you’re retired, that still means that for that retirement day, instead of having 1,440 minutes to fill with useless activities, many of which you won’t enjoy, you will only have 1,433 minutes to fill.